Blows a load
"The most outrageous horror story in the world...Or out of it!" Announces the blurb on the back of the DVD case like a circus ringmaster on amphetamine, and Gutterbox cant help but agree. One Eyed Monster is definately outrageous but sometimes that means falling on the wrong side of good or bad. Afterall, anyone can be outrageous, all it takes is enough Jagerbombs.
I don't know what I was expecting from a film where the monster is an alien homocidal maniac dick but boy this is straight from the walk of shame. Sound odd? Its madness, hich would be fine if it was any good but it isn't. What this film is is terrible, even worse than Ozombie. The only good thing about One Eyed Monster is the fact that it stars two porno legends in Ron Jeremy and the ever beautiful Veronics Hart.
So what goes on? The cast and crew of a pornographic film head off up a snowy mountain to film some fruity scenes for a forthcoming skin flick but all goes to sh!t when Ron J goes off for a pee and a weird light hits him and his prized member gets possessed by an alien force, killing Ron and going after the rest of the cast. Thats right, the One Eyed Monster here is a penis, though what Ronnie has been feeding it on I shudder to think. Laughs Out Loud.
Ut sounds like a real hoot, perfect so-bad-its-good material but unfortunately the dick might be hungry but its a limp mess. You hardly ever see any deaths and even when you do see a guy get split in two, its not the messy end you could expect from better horror film directors. The gore count is a flaccid ZERO despite it being rated over 18 and as splatter movies go its rather like eating chocolate with the wrapper on. One Eyed Monster could easily be rated 15.
The only funny line I got from it was "Ive got an axe to Bobbit you back to space." Which did make me chuckle but besides that this has nothing going for it. (And lets not forget, im a huge fan of Veronica Hart and her other movies *ahem*) I only paid £1 for One Eyed Monster but I still feel cheated. Avoid like an STD.
Gutterbox rating
