They Live

Indeed they do. Near Swansea

Another big favourite of the Gutterbox, They Live (1988) was directed by John Carpenter and is a mix of horror and science fiction with a hefty dollop of dark humour thrown in. This movie is a classic and needs your attention like yesterday. Obey.
Okay let me fill your wine glass and give you the intel. John Nada (Roddy Piper) is drifting through America looking for work but he finds more than a job on his travels when he chances upon a box of....wait for it...sunglasses! But these are not your usual Gucci goggles, oh no. These glasses allow the wearer to not just look cool but see aliens (who look human without them) and read subliminal messages on billboards and newspapers, where the naked eye sees only adverts and news. Gulp! Those pesky space hopping fiends have duped us again. Will they ever stop? Well they'll have a fight on their hands because Nada likes to "chew bubblegum and kick ass." And he's famously all out of gum.
The film is basically a comment on money, greed and consumerism with humans willing to become aliens in exchange for big job promotions and lots of loot. Kinda like a galatic pact with the devil. Nada and his buddy Frank (Keith David) want none of it however and are disgusted with how easily folk sell out their own kind. (By the way the fight the pair have in an alley at the beginning is one of the best movie scraps EVER. You can almost feel the pain.)


Consume

With the police gunning for them (literally), John & Frank end up in an underground base (complete with cool airport type teleports) and its here they see the big picture. E.T. is using us! Cue more guns, clever watches and a double cross by sultry eyed alien collaborator Meg Foster who kills big Frank. Nada almost gets offed too but wins Meg's heart with a sneaky bullet fired into it. Romantic guy! He then destroys a broadcasting antenna disguised as a satellite dish that is holding us humans under a cosmic spell and the games up for the skull faced critters. Its also the end for our Johnny when he is plugged by a baddie in a whirlybird. Boo! *flips bird to alien*
But now the American public can see the truth and it all ends in whoops and cheers. And some poor sap discovering he is actually doinking a female alien.
They Live is super fun and were this site going to hand out gold stars, it would award this movie a bag filled to the brim of the shiny f**kers. Such is the delicious taste of its retro sauce, I could probably watch it on loop. There is a definate creepy vibe throughout courtesy of both hidden messages and those big shiny eyes of the skulled ones which if were real would read your every thought leaving you helpless. Thats what I get from them anyway and it never fails to send a shiver down my spine.
Then of course theres Nada's cheesy one liners not to mention the fact that it stars the great George 'Buck' Flower, who seemed to be in every single film made in the 1980s. He has one of those faces you instantly recognise but are not sure where from. Sadly the actor died in 2004. RIP Buck!
So a huge thumbs up from the Gutterbox then, and if you haven't seen this movie yet (and a lot haven't) head on over to Netflix and right your wrong. You'll thank me later over beers.

Gutterbox rating

Part Of The Collection

Quick peek at some of the classic 70/80s movies in the Gutterbox vaults.

Dinoshark

That drink was needed

So where do I begin with Dinoshark? I bought it a while ago but only last night had the heart to put it the player. (Blame the 'shandies'). I believe the film is regularly shown on the Syfy channel and to be quite honest they're welcome to it. Director Kevin O'Niell must have had better days. The only star of the show was Puerto Vallarta which positivelty glowed from the screen as I sat in muggy old Carmarthen with an envious look on my chops.
The movie starts with Dinoshark jr starting life in the nippy Arctic waters but fastfowrward a few years and the toothy critter seems to have got fed up being cold (I know how he feels) and relocated to Mexico where no doubt human flesh is tastier owing to Tequila.
Good guy Trace gets miffed when Dinoshark eats one of his friends and so begins a game of hunt the big fish and kill it dead. This is basically it. We don't even get a decent explanation of how the creature came to be. (Or if there was my brain seems to have stalled during it).
I like a bad film when its 'good' bad but I found nothing entertaining to this at all. Even the bikini clad babes were nothing special. Quick thought: why are the men and women in these cheap movies hot but not quite? They look like Christie Brinkley knock offs.

Check out this Gutterboxc clip for a taste of Dinoshark.


Do you see now the problem with Dinoshark? Its moments like the one in the above clip that make it such a big LOL. Also this monster is supposed to be the cross between a shark and dinosaur right? It should be a full force swimming machine capable of dealing with anything on the water with ease. Wrong! Dinoshark can't even crush a small sailing boat. I mean WHUT? Even Jaws managed to wreck boats and he wasn't half dinosaur.
A few other critcs have actually enjoyed this movie but they must have had some good acid or something because even after 9 pints of cider I saw nothing interesting happen in Dinoshark and when you consider the awesomness of such a beast its a very poor shout out.
And how is this hungry varmint killed in the end? A stab to it eye from a boat rocking about like a rodeo horse. That Trace is one helluva shot I will give him that. What I can't do is recommend Dinoshark. Stuck for something to watch? You DO have a better movie than this one in your collection. Skip this.


Gutterbox rating