Evil Dead 2013

Im with you Ash.

Just watched the Evil Dead remake (2013) directed by Fede Alvarez and oh woes, just as I expected it was nothing to write home about (or even bother going to buy a stamp.) Even watching for free I felt cheated, so seriously, do not get excited about slapping that £5 Morrisons DVD into the player. The original has not been bested, not by a long shot. And I was one of those pumped at the time by those excellent trailers. In the words of the interwebs; I iz disappoint.
So what was different? Well this time the five chums head out to the famous spooky, remote cabin to help a friend withdraw from drugs (and admittedly I liked this idea) but besides that nothing changes. At all. The dopes (pun intended) discover the awesomely titled "Book Of The Dead", end up summoning mad demons from a properly f**ked up universe and its evil spirit possession a-go-go! The fight for survival is on baby!
Now don't get me wrong, it IS a gore filled jamboree, that I will grant thee, any vampire watching will be in raptures over the lashings of human claret spilled but other than that (and to be fair, some aren't looking for more) this remake isn't a patch on the original. In fact the full on turbo gore gets a tad tedious by the end because its used so much. "Oh, theres another severed limb scene? Ho hum, pass the cider." By the finale all those falling guts and innards only serve to make the viewer feel bloated and fed up, and you can forget any hopes of getting freaked out like you were in the original (and you were admit it), it just ain't happening in the 2013 version. By the end, the more the chainsaw screams, the more I was belching out the yawnage. "More blood sir?" "No thanks Jeeves, pass the Watership Down."
Oh and the female 'Ash'? Weak man, no more a boomstick than a tickling stick.

Gutterbox rating

Ghoulies II

Scream until you like it

Ghoulies (1985) is a rarity in movies in that the sequel is actually better than the original. Its more fun and 'in yer face' making the first one rather dull in comparison. All that seems to happen in Ghoulies is a a guy and his squeeze move into an old creepy looking mansion (aren't they all creepy?) and he gets into witchcraft and the 'dark arts', bringing demons to the place. The fool. And you know what? Its not much more than that. No chilling atmosphere, or gory deaths, it is the ready salted to the sequels salt and vinegar.
Ghoulies II (1988) on the other hand, is a good outing and was accompanied by a banging "Scream Until You Like It" theme song by metal band W.A.S.P. Its everything the original wasn't and you could be forgiven for thinking they are not even part of the same 'series'. The second movie rocks (and not just because of W.A.S.P.) hell it even has a Shakespeare quoting dwarf called Sir Nigel Penneyweight who looks like Lionel Ritchies mad (shorter) twin and a tanked up Royal Dano. (Theres another actor who like George 'Buck' Flower, seemed to be in every movie of the 1980s.)
The story is simple: the ghoulies hide in "Satan's Den", part of a travelling circus and fortunes are about to change for the struggling attraction when the fiendish demons begin killing off its customers (customers who initially believed the monsters were part of the act.) So its up to uncle Ned (Dano), his nephew and Sir Nigel to put a stop to the bloody shenanigans and a roaring little romp it is too. If you haven't seen it yet (where have you been?) then I suggest you head on over to Youtube where some kind soul has uploaded it in handy 10 minute parts.
Don't be suprised if you find yourself rooting for the beasties either. This film, much like Critters which was released around the same time, is one of those horror films where the audience gets taken in by the 'charm' of the baddies. For instance in a scene at the fairground where a Ghoulie pulls the bolt out of a ride which sees the unfortunate occupants hurtling to their deaths, I found myself punching the air and laughing like a drain. (And I know others have too so it wasn't down to my macabre sense of humour.)
Just avoid the first film, theres nothing worth punching there apart from yourself if you spent money buying it.



Bang that head