Showing posts with label creature. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creature. Show all posts

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Piranha

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You never know when the nibbles may strike

Jaws only smaller, Piranha (1978) is a B movie that was directed by Joe Dante and like you have probably guessed, is about pesky carnivorous fish. (This film did for piranha what big J did for great whites). It wasn't the first horror I ever saw but its certainly one of the first five. And you know what? I like it! It has nice gory touches and has that 'small town Americana charm' like other old movies ive mentioned elsewhere on the Gutterbox. Its been remade twice, one in 1995 and more recently in 2010 in 3D and I must check them out sometime, though I highly doubt they are as good as the original.** Anyway, back to 1978.
Piranha starts with two teenagers skinny dipping in a deserted (they think) swimming pool, little knowing that the previous inhabitants of the pool were fish that love flesh. And the Army had been messing around with the piranha (they can't leave anything alone in B movies) with Operation Razortooth, making this fish even more ravenous. Uh oh. Notch up two dead teens and an insurance investigator named Maggie on the case to find out how they perished. (Bit of advice Mags, teens always die in horror films). She teams up with boozer Grogan and they end up draining the pool, letting loose hundreds of hungry piranha into the rivers. Oops! Enter a yelling Doctor Hoak who informs them of the mega boob they've just made. (The doc was in charge of the military operation).

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He's feeling peckish

So off they go, saving children in summer camp and bugging the military to get the river system closed down which seems only fair as its their fault in the first place. A few scenes stand out for me: the part where Grogan drags his fishing chum from the rivers edge and we see his legs chewed down to the bone and the raft ride where pirahna attack and nibble on the ropes holding it together. Minor scenes in the great scheme of film granted but they stuck in my head all the same.
Piranha ends with a news repoter telling her viewers that theres nothing to fear because the waters have been cleared of hungry fish with sharp teeth but as she utters the words, we hear the ominous sound of the finny fiends making their way to the ocean. Presumably to keep Jaws company.

Check out the original trailer below


You can probably pick this movie up for pennies these days and Gutterbox recommends you do because while not being a classic in the usual sense of the word, it is a little gem to chill out with a few drinks. Also look out for the little creature dude at the beginning who peeps out from behind a few jars on a shelf in the army compound. I want one of those for a pet! Although he/she looks more like something from Star Wars than a horror flick.
Bit of trivia: Dr Hoak is played by Kevin McCarthy who appeared in over 200 films/television but will be remembered best for 1956's Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Gutterbox rating
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** I watched Pirahna 3D last night and can confirm that it is garbage. Yes it has an abundance of near naked hotties and gyrating asses (by the way Kelly Brook is not as pretty in motion as she is in photographs) but even that cannot save this turgid mess of a film. Flush immediately down toilet.

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Jawsome? No it really isn't.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Dinoshark

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That drink was needed

So where do I begin with Dinoshark? I bought it a while ago but only last night had the heart to put it the player. (Blame the 'shandies'). I believe the film is regularly shown on the Syfy channel and to be quite honest they're welcome to it. Director Kevin O'Niell must have had better days. The only star of the show was Puerto Vallarta which positivelty glowed from the screen as I sat in muggy old Carmarthen with an envious look on my chops.
The movie starts with Dinoshark jr starting life in the nippy Arctic waters but fastfowrward a few years and the toothy critter seems to have got fed up being cold (I know how he feels) and relocated to Mexico where no doubt human flesh is tastier owing to Tequila.
Good guy Trace gets miffed when Dinoshark eats one of his friends and so begins a game of hunt the big fish and kill it dead. This is basically it. We don't even get a decent explanation of how the creature came to be. (Or if there was my brain seems to have stalled during it).
I like a bad film when its 'good' bad but I found nothing entertaining to this at all. Even the bikini clad babes were nothing special. Quick thought: why are the men and women in these cheap movies hot but not quite? They look like Christie Brinkley knock offs.

Check out this Gutterboxc clip for a taste of Dinoshark.


Do you see now the problem with Dinoshark? Its moments like the one in the above clip that make it such a big LOL. Also this monster is supposed to be the cross between a shark and dinosaur right? It should be a full force swimming machine capable of dealing with anything on the water with ease. Wrong! Dinoshark can't even crush a small sailing boat. I mean WHUT? Even Jaws managed to wreck boats and he wasn't half dinosaur.
A few other critcs have actually enjoyed this movie but they must have had some good acid or something because even after 9 pints of cider I saw nothing interesting happen in Dinoshark and when you consider the awesomness of such a beast its a very poor shout out.
And how is this hungry varmint killed in the end? A stab to it eye from a boat rocking about like a rodeo horse. That Trace is one helluva shot I will give him that. What I can't do is recommend Dinoshark. Stuck for something to watch? You DO have a better movie than this one in your collection. Skip this.


Gutterbox rating
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